Table 4 Examples of two participant’s diary entries regarding their most significant NSSI-image on days with (left) and without NSSI (right; one participant per row)
Image followed by NSSI | Image followed by different action | ||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Day in study | Times and number of occurrence of NSSI- images | Content | Predominant emotion afterwards | Meaning of the image | Action after the image | Time of NSSI | Day in study | Times and number of occurrence of NSSI- images | Content | Predominant emotion afterwards | Meaning of the image | Urge to act | Action after the image |
4 | 2 pm (twice) | I see myself as I slit open my arms. | determined | It felt as though the outcome of the fight against the urge to self-injure was decided upon for today. | NSSI | 2:30 pm | 7 | 5:15 pm through 9 pm (4 times) | I see my skin, my arms, my upper legs and feel an anxious expectation of pain, I see the traces of bloody scratches on my skin, see my cut nails, imagine the feeling of unfiled edges on my skin | Lost, stupid | Feelings such as self-hatred, shame, stupidity, helplessness, etc. also a defeat before myself and people that I trust, that trust me | Wanted to disappear and to inflict pain on myself because of my existance | cried |
4 | 10 pm-12:30 pm (6times) | I take a knife into my hand. Situation before actual NSSI is displayed. Taking a deep breath. (…) Observer perspective. Feel a tingling, nervousness, excitement, and anxiety. I sweat. | resignation | Pain, satisfaction, anxiety, (…) a task that has yet to be fulfilled today; see the due self-injury as an assignment. Paying for blood as a compensation for overeating (…) NSSI as a way to accept myself. | eating | 1 am | 3 | 10 pm-11:30 pm (4 times) | Large knife that I run into my belly. Blood splattering. | Desparate, sad | Rage and hatred towards myself; being torn between the longing to give in to the image and trying to refuse | NSSI | eating |